10 September 2010

Slag gör ondare på nära håll

Ingen kan vara nere med en luftballong
Jag vet att jag inte borde bli arg. Jag vet att det är den djupa depressionen som talar. Men det hugger i bröstkorgen. Händerna skakar. Jag blir så sårad och arg!!

Jag vet att det är en del av sjukdomsbilden, att en djupt deprimerad skyller sin sjukdom på närstående - ju närmare man står den deprimerade känslomässigt desto större skurk blir man i den deprimerades ögon. Det har både psykologer och terapeuter förklarat för mig. Men jag blir så sårad och arg!!

Jag är så arg så jag skakar. Jag vill skrika och slåss. På sjukdomen. På hopplösheten. På situationen.

Inte på själsfränden som kastar orimliga och mörka anklagelser på mig. Henne vill jag krama. Länge. Tills mörkret lyfter och depressionen skräms iväg. Tills världen får färger och kontraster och vännen kan se klart igen. Jag saknar henne.

Om hon bara kunde tillåta mig att krama henne i mörkret.

Kärlek gör ont.

3 comments:

http://cias-75.blogspot.com/ said...

Låter sorgligt! Kram...

Anonymous said...

You (girls) are really something :-(

I just want to make one thing very clear! She has NEVER blame you girls for anything!

You broke down a beautiful woman to Hell with your silence, arrogance, egocentricity.

She was the best friends you could have! Calling her ‘not a good friend enough’ and treating her as you did! How dare you? I know she took Emergency Leave off for you when you had bad news regarding your family. How she cared for you when you had been in hospital, making your breakfast, did your grocery shopping. She felt bodily sick when she had your breakfast ‘wrong’. Not to mention all the phone calls and hours on emails to Sweden when someone needed her etc. She did more than a friend ever could ask for! SHAME ON YOU !

She tried not to show how sad she was about all this and about the bad news she had received on her health, prior her operation, as she prioritised you both! She believed you needed her more at that time! Where were you both when she needed her friends?

She came to work for half a year or more shaking her head you were not talkative when I asked if she had confronted you, said you were ‘too angry to speak with’.

You falsely point the finger at her for something you are doing! Posting a blog about somebody else! I read her blog, which is said to be the beginning of all this. The blog had absolutely nothing to do with you girls, it was about her!

You kept on talking on sharing a flat, when you in one of your critical emails made a statement you don’t want to share a flat! How false and dishonest are you?
I have spoken with a few people who met you face to face and they all say the same. They don’t like how you spoke to them or her. We all are all upset how she always defended you girls!

You are making assumptions how she is feeling when the truth is you have ignored her for years!

I’m happy she opened her eyes a long time ago on how your ‘friendship’ was. I’m happy she doesn’t read your blogs!

You blamed her for a series of issues, and obviously you still blame her instead of taking your own responsibility for your own, arrogant, selfish behaviour! You are nothing but bullies!

Yes, love hurts and she paid the hardest price!

GROW UP !

Carina D said...

Kommentar överflödig. Schizofreni är också en sjukdom.

Kul att höra av dig, förresten!

Krya på dig, raring.

:-*